THE SUBTLE SIDE OF SELF
By Caryn Burdine
What are the motives of my heart?
"Serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts" (1 Chron. 28:9).
When I baby-sit a friend's child, am I expecting her to return the favor? Am I expecting something in return for a good gesture?
When I volunteer for a project, am I looking for recognition? Will I be rewarded for my actions?
If I help someone less fortunate than myself, does it glorify me? Am I benefiting from an act of kindness?
These are daily questions that have become the precepts of my life.
So many times, I have done something-- or said something -- only to be met by disappointment because the intended response was not what I had expected. Proverbs 16:2 says, "All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord." My act was sincere; however, my motives were selfish.
Motives are defined as the inner drives that cause one to act. If I will be honest, my natural inner drive usually seeks to satisfy "self" in one way or another. Unfortunately, this is contrary to the commands of Christ. As a Christian, my inner drive is to be the Holy Spirit. "Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Gal. 5:16).
The Bible instructs me to become a slave to the needs of others. Just as Christ washed the feet of His disciples, I am to "wash the feet" of the people in my life. "I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you" (John 13:15).
God's motives are pure and righteous - seeking to love unconditionally with no expectations. I am to do for others motivated simply by Christ's love for me. Man's motives are for some kind of gain -- whether emotional, monetary, or physical -- and are usually achieved through some sort of subtle manipulation. "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right" (Prov. 20:11).
Evaluating my motives hurts. It forces me to take a look at SELF, and to be honest, I don't like my human self. In Matthew 6, Jesus shows the hypocrisy of my ways when I do acts of righteousness to be seen by men or to satisfy a selfish desire. These men were praying on street corners and fasting outwardly so that others would see their religion. But God saw their hearts. One Samuel 16:7 tells me "the Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." As I compare myself to these hypocrites, I wonder how many times I have exchanged an eternal blessing for a worldly reward. "When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives" (James 4:3).
When I was a young Christian, I longed to be a godly wife - an example to my unsaved husband. I would do all the things I thought a good, godly wife was supposed to do: cook his favorite meals, meticulously iron his shirts, make sure the house was constantly clean and picked up, give him quiet time when he came home from work, refrain from questioning his comings and goings, etc. But after a while, I found myself feeling very burnt out and extremely discouraged. Why? Because my motives weren't aligned with God's. Everything I did was with expectations of a response. Surely he would ask, thank or in some way acknowledge all that I was doing for him. I was acting out of love, but it was human love and not God's love. One Corinthians 4:5 says, "[The Lord] will expose the motives of men's hearts," and in my discouragement the Lord exposed the selfishness that I had failed to see.
God's love is free. It is a gift. The price was paid by Christ's death on the cross. Not because I deserved it, or because I earned it, but because God loved me so much that He sent His Son to reconcile me to Himself (John 3:16). If God did this for me, then why was I holding my love for others as a ransom?
As I grow in my walk with the Lord, I see the truth about expectations. Only God can meet my expectations through the amount of faith that I have in Him and through my trust in His purpose for my life. For the Bible promises that "God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19).
My "duties" are now performed with love motivated only by the desire to please God in the roles that I have been placed. My rewards are God's blessings and not man's acknowledgements.
We are all selfish by nature. It takes a thorough cleansing of our inner selves, and a consistent check of our hearts to remove the selfish tendencies that are imbedded within. As we draw nearer to God, He will expose the hidden motives of our hearts. And once our eyes are opened, we must continuously evaluate our actions and align them to God's word. "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Ps. 51:10).
© 1999 Caryn Burdine
Email: VinJ98@aol.com