RUNNING ON EMPTY
By Caryn Burdine
I sat down at the kitchen table, exhausted. I wanted to pray, but as I closed my eyes, the tears burst forth and muffled groans were all that were released. Where had my peace gone?
Amidst the tired sobs, I confessed my actions of the day.
Lord, please forgive me for losing
my temper with Anna.
All she did was leave her clothes on the floor. And,
Lord, Jimmy didn't deserve the harsh screams. He was only ten minutes late. Please forgive my selfishness towards my husband. My cold-shoulder attitude was not about him. I know, Lord, I'm supposed to be producing fruit, but my branch has been separated from your vine. I need you, Lord!
Please lead me back to Your everlasting peace. Amen.
I knew the attitudes I had been displaying were contradictory to my relationship with God. But I couldn't figure out where I had strayed from His path and had lost His peace. I couldn't continue in this frame of mind. I hated who I had become and the witness I was living.
Each day seemed to drain me a little more, and the obstacles that came into my paths were getting harder to overcome. The stresses and tensions of a normal day were producing a tirade of frustrations, and I was releasing them on those I loved most -- my family.
With exhausted effort, I reached for my Bible, searching for my way back.
I was only a few pages into my search when God’s words jumped out and grabbed my heart. “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28).
Closing my eyes, I climbed into the Lord's lap and tucked my head against His chest. His arms enclosed around me, and I felt protected once again.
"I miss you, Lord. Where have you been?"
But it wasn’t God who had left my side. I suddenly realized how I had strayed. By allowing the daily routines of my life to slowly engulf me, my attitudes and actions had become infected. I entered each day with my own agenda and in my own strength. With so much to do, I had omitted my morning manna -- time with God. His plans had become second place to my own, and I'd averted my eyes from "thy will be done," to "my will be done."
God is not obligated to bless that which He has not initiated. The minute I chose my own path, I also chose to go in my own strength. I, the branch, had separated myself from the vine. My resources had been severed; my nourishment depleted.
Confessing my independence, I once again felt God's love and peace envelop my weary body. I returned to the source of my strength.
I am learning that only by remaining in Him am I enabled to fight this world and the temptations that cross my path. When I spend time with Him in morning worship and praise, the Holy Spirit is ignited and alive within me. I have His guidance, His peace, and His strength to face the daily obstacles and struggles.
As I acknowledge my dependence on God, He directs my path (Prov. 3:6). Without His guidance, it is easy for me to stray from His will and purposes for my life. Without my daily portion of God and His word, I am left to my own strategies. Without the replenishment He provides, my resources and strengths are exhausted, and I am left a dried up branch, useful only for the fire.
I desire the fruit in my life, but the fruit will only be produced through the continuous nourishment of the vine.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).
© 1999 Caryn Burdine
Email: VinJ98@aol.com