FILLING THE VOID
By Caryn Burdine
I have spent the majority of my life in search of answers. What was the point of life? And, why did my thoughts and emotions complicate things?
Although I grew up in a "church attending" family, God seemed a myth. His reality was never expressed in our lives away from the church. We were Sunday warriors, and God remained a glorified illusion.
My search was for the deep answers, probing any area that could fill the vacancy I felt inside: psychics, aliens, past lives, outside activities. Changes and answers were few, and I soon moved on to the latest fad.
Alcohol became the band-aid for the pain and emptiness. I relinquished my search for answers, and began the quest of controlling my own destiny. I created my own purpose in life since I could find no other significance for my existence.
Eventually, I had created a sound environment for myself -- one in which I was in control. My marriage was in control. My kids were in control. My friendships were in control. And unfortunately -- by this time -- alcohol was also in control.
It was not long before control spiraled “out of control.” Circumstances brought my world tumbling down, and the void I would felt earlier became a gaping valley.
With all other areas exhausted, Jesus Christ became my only hope. Reluctantly, I made a commitment to Christianity. What happened in my life -- and in my heart -- since that time can only be explained through the powers of Divine Intervention.
It was very hard to give control of my life to God. Every area had to sink to the depths before I realized the things God wanted to do for me.
The Israelites spent forty years wandering in the wilderness while the journey should have only taken eleven days. I often felt like an Israelite "going round and round my mountain" before learning the lessons God was teaching me.
The essential lesson: God is in control. Not me! I am nothing, a wisp of air, a blade of grass withered by the heat of the sun. I am nothing outside of God, my creator, and I can do nothing apart from Him (John 15:5).
Round and round the mountain I went.
As I repented of my sins and accepted the salvation offered through Jesus Christ, the void in my soul began to dissolve. My burdens lifted, and the emptiness inside was replaced by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
Creating a new life and a “new me" was as essential to my existence as air is for survival, but knowing where to start was a difficult task. The Bible, God’s written word,
became my building block…my foundation for change. It was my direct link to His Holy Presence.
But the Bible was also a foreign language, and in order to help me understand the steps I was to take, I enlisted the aid of books and tapes. I prayed for enlightenment, searched for significance, and cried in my chaos. On and on I went, until one day the light bulb came on, and my world became brighter. I was on the Christian walk.
However, life does not always flow with milk and honey. And staying on the Christian walk took much determination and self-control. I often found myself battling the same daily frustrations and disappointments, wondering where God was. One minute I was on the mountain, while the next I was tossed into the valley. There was no consistency to my faith.
After much time spent on my knees, I learned that incorporating the Bible into my daily routine was the essential element to the victorious life of stability God offered. Only then, was consistency in my Christian walk experienced. The Israelites were provided with a daily portion of manna from God (Ex. 16:4). The truths and promises of the Bible are the daily manna for Christians.
God's word weeded out the stress and clutter in my life. It filled me with the peace of knowing that God's love for me is unconditional. Through Bible study and application, my priorities were revised, and life's issues were put into perspective. Personal time in God's word gave Him priority in my life.
The Bible is the handbook for life. Its teachings are relevant even today. I applied the teachings to my life, claimed the promises offered, and relied solely on the truths I found. My life made a complete change. I became a new creation - inside and out (Gal. 6:15).
The Bible taught that I do not have to be perfect, or in control. I am significant simply because I am a child of the Living God. My purpose here is not to "go for the gusto," "soar to the limits," or "reach the stars." My sole purpose is to reclaim the relationship with my Father, which was lost through sin. God wants to take care of me. He rejoices in helping me, and He alone will provide the opportunities for my life when I am ready.
I no longer compare myself with others. "Am I trying hard enough?" "Do I have enough money?" "Am I successful enough?" These are standards set forth from the world's perspective, not God's. I am only to compare my life to Jesus, my role model. Only through Him, will I truly rid myself of the world's standards and become the righteousness of God.
I learned from the Bible the moral issues of right and wrong. It does not matter what others think, and it does not matter when life seems unfair. As a child of God, I am to always do the right thing by God and by others (Gal. 6:9). Be it bad, or good, I reap what I sow (Gal. 6:7).
Doing right is not always an outward act, but it is a matter of the heart. God doesn't look on outward appearances, but He looks at my heart (1 Sam. 16:7). He knows my motives. If they are not pure, then I am acting in selfishness. God's greatest commands were "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind" and "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:37-38). Both of these commands begin with a change of the heart.
So often, I allow the world's values to infiltrate my heart and mind. The only way to fight the world is through the power God gives through His Word. It dispels temptations that seek to throw me off the paths, and it provides me with the tools needed to succeed in the purposes God has for my life. Without the Bible, I am left with no hope, wandering around the wilderness without direction.
Through the Bible I became aware of the importance of faith - unseen faith, consistent faith. I tend to form opinions based on circumstances, but in doing that, I overlook all possibilities of what God could be doing behind the scenes. Faith in God comes only from my knowledge of the truths spelled out in His Word. I know things do not always go my way, but God's plans and purposes always succeed (Prov. 19:21). God knows everything, and everything that touches my life must go through Him first.
God's word tells me this daily battle is a spiritual battle. Satan would like nothing more than to stifle my relationship with Jesus. I cannot enter this war of heart and soul, morals and values, and be effective without the only offensive weapon I am issued -- God's Word (Eph. 6:17). Without God's wisdom, I would be powerless to fight this unseen enemy who seeks to destroy my soul.
I have learned to pray in all ways, on all occasions, and for all people (Eph. 6:18). Prayer is my direct line of communication to God, and without it my source of strength is cut off. God already knows my needs (Matt. 6:8), and my prayer life is a connecting of my heart to His will for my life and for the needs of others.
God has made many promises through His Word: "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33)." And: "He that is in you is greater than the one that is in the world (1 John 4:4)." How can I possibly fight this battle without the Word of God consuming my heart and mind? And how can I consume His Word if I don't take time daily to fill myself with this much-needed "manna?"
Through the humility found as my life sunk to the depths, I have finally discovered the purpose of my life. Through my relationship with Jesus Christ and through the lessons of the Bible, my hearts desire is helping others through the pains that I have encountered by showing them there is a life of fulfillment waiting for all who ask (Matt. 7:7). For His words are, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jer. 29:13)." Jesus stands at the door of every heart waiting for the invitation to come in (Rev. 3:20).
The Bible is the roadmap needed for our journey through this life. It is not the only means by which God speaks to and directs us, but it is the primary source of our relationship with our Lord. Without the Bible, we are travelling through this life covered in a blanket of darkness. We are left with no source of light.
These lessons didn't come easy. It took months of studying and persevering through failures. The faith and belief in knowing God was at my side enabled me to move beyond the wilderness. My desire to change and my invitation for God’s guidance allowed the Holy Spirit within to create in me a new heart and mind. Various obstacles will arise as my life moves on and my relationship with Jesus deepens. But I know where my strength lies, and the void in my soul is filled daily as I open His word and quietly listen for His instructions.
© 1999 Caryn Burdine
Email: VinJ98@aol.com