A SIMPLE CHOICE TO TRUST
By
Caryn Burdine
It was as a bright, August day in spite of an occasional cloud shading the Florida sun. I had determined to relax in preparation for the upcoming Labor Day weekend. The current obstacles, battles, and burdens I was facing had me “laboring” for God’s peace. I kept studying the Word, seeking His guidance, and searching for His presence. I was watching -- and waiting -- to recognize His Spirit shine brightly onto the right paths. I was learning to trust. Trust God -- alone.
The house was quiet that morning. The
kids were in school, my husband was out to breakfast, and my chores were
completed. As I often do in this
particular serenity, I popped a recent Joyce Meyer teaching in the cassette,
turned it up so I could hear it over the running water, and hopped in the
shower.
Thinking I had plenty of time, I totally immersed myself in Joyce's
message: "Protected By His
Presence" -- about trusting God.
Her voice, bold in the Spirit and bold in belief, rang out. "Desperate
people seek God, and we need to be desperate all the time!"
Desperate people also trusted God – completely, I thought to
myself.
I had just completed a weeklong Bible study on "Trust."
While looking through each passage listed in the concordance on trust
(trusted, trusting, trustworthy, etc.), I saw how the "realms of
heaven" opened just a little more for those who sincerely sought to trust
God and chose to truly believe Him. More than that, God's hand is uncovered in the miracles and
"coincidences” He bestows on us as we trust Him to shine on our paths one
step at a time.
While
lost in my own thoughts about how these principles applied to my life, I was
jolted back to the scene by the opening of the bathroom door.
My husband had returned earlier than expected!
Immediately, I felt the struggle from within.
Oh no, he'll think I’ve gone over
the edge. An instant reflex of
thought made me want to reach out and turn off the tape.
And yet, I continued to be drawn back to what Joyce was saying – partly
so I wouldn’t miss anything I might need, and partly in fear of what my
husband was hearing. What will he think?
Although my prayer for years has been my husband's salvation, I have
often felt fearful and hesitant to have him see me seeking God to the extent of
teaching tapes in the shower. Morning
devotions are one thing, but this felt on the verge of fanatical. As quickly as that thought came, I instantly felt ashamed as
I saw my allegiances being stretched in opposite directions -- one toward my
husband and his opinions, and the other toward God, the one in whom I’m
fanatically seeking.
Now
is the time to trust, Caryn.
My choices became clear. On
one hand, I could nonchalantly reach out of the shower, hit the off button on
the tape player, and casually start a conversation.
My husband would've been thrown off guard and forgotten whatever he'd
heard in the background. But as I
followed that scenario in my head, I knew that a reaction like that would push
God to second place in my life. I
would virtually be saying, "Forgive me, Lord, but I'm embarrassed by my
love for you."
On the other hand, I could trust my husband's untimely entrance to God,
knowing that He could have stopped it had it been His will. If I'm praying for God to seek my husband and fill him with
this same love that I have, then why was I so hesitant to openly love God and seek Him in front of my husband?
After all, wasn't that what I was praying for?
I chose to trust. And I
clung to what I knew to be true.
Lord, I trust you. I claim and believe Your Word when it says the words that come from you will not return to you empty, but will accomplish your purpose (Is. 55:11). Lord, you could have deterred my husband from that encounter with you, but you chose not to. Forgive me for doubting you. In ALL things -- even in my husband hearing Joyce Meyer this morning in the bathroom -- you work for the good of those who love you (Rom. 8:28). Lord, I do love you...and I trust you. May I not be ashamed of you, but hold my head up high in confidence that you are in total control. Amen.
I know I
may never see, or know, the manifestations of what God's Words did in my husband
that morning. But I know what they
did in me. The opened my eyes to an
awareness of the little choices I am faced with each day that concern simple
trusting. Taking God at His Word,
and letting go -- believing -- enables me with the freedom to be myself...a
simple believer learning to trust.
© 2002 Caryn Burdine